So today I ate lunch @ work and had a gigantic salad that was covered in some type of oil/vinegar dressing. Somehow there was oil on the OUTSIDE of the box so after eating lunch I needed to wash my hands of the oil.

Now, where do you normally wash your hands? The bathroom.
Where is the mother base of all nasty stuff? The bathroom @ my work!

Now that we have that all cleared up, time for the meat of the story.

I enter the bathroom and realize that crossing my fingers worked — the bathroom is totally empty. Not a single soul in there. Nobody spitting in the urinals, no heavy breathing, just silence. A wave of serenity and joy washes over me as if i just successfully merged a blinkerless semi into rush hour freeway traffic. I go to the sink, its completely wet as usual, and wash my hands.

I figured that since I am in the bathroom I might as well just take advantage of the situation and use it. Yeah, i didn’t put 2 and 2 together… the longer you spend in the bathroom the better chance that someone totally and utterly fowl will enter it while you are still in there! I am standing there and all of the sudden my spidey sense starts going wild. I felt like something bad was going to happen… then BAM… door opens. SHIT!

My back is to the walk way and I hear steps walking fast towards me.. then past me.. then straight into shitter number 1. (Number 1!! This leads me to believe that this gentleman is extremely over confident or just really had to go. Logically you should never take number 1, you would want to start with the farthest and most isolated then work backwards!)

Anyways, this is all taking place in the span of like less than 2 minutes. Dude bust into stall 1, and starts preparing… I am thinking ‘Jesus i need to get the Eff out of here before this guy pulls a comcast on me‘… but instantly i hear a sigh and then a squeak. I thought I had imagined the squeak because i instantly thought of this blog and then assumed that was too good to be true. That’s like Gross @ Work golden content right there… but no, it was true and it was confirmed with a second and third squeak, and thats how it continued. Over the course of a few minutes during rewashing my hands, drying them and opening the door to exit this guy was hugging it out in there and squeaking the whole time. It was pretty filthy and on one hand i wish i had not experienced any of it… yet on another (washed) hand, im glad i could post it!

I have no idea who that guy was, what he does, his nationality, if hes nice or not, but I AM PRETTY SURE he ate a clown’s nose for dinner last night.